NURSERY RHYMES FOR LITTLE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS

What with the shorter days, Omicron on the rampage, “unprecedented” tornadoes, and TFG staggering around the news like some goddam zombie, I thought it might be high (as it were) time for a little humor.  A friend had sent me a musical riff on some wacky QAnon escapee who just can’t seem to give up the fantasy, and the idea of an adult voluntarily behaving like a five-year-old reciting nonsense reminded me of my time in kindergarten.  So get out your blankie and settle in with some milk and cookies for nursery rhymes for little conspiracy theorists.   

The itsy bitsy dumb shit crawled up the water spout.

Down came the truth bomb, and washed the dumb shit out.

Out came the sun, and dried up all the crap,

And the itsy bitsy dumb shit went up the spout ASAP.

 

 

Twinkle, twinkle, little Q,

How I wonder who are you.

Up above reality,

Down by you just fantasy.

Twinkle, twinkle, little Q.

How I wonder who are you.

 

Here we go round the ‘spiracy bush,

The ‘spiracy bush,

The ‘spiracy bush.

Here we go round the ‘spiracy bush

On a cold and frosty morning.

This is the way we own the libs,

Own the libs,

Own the libs,

This is the way we own the libs

On a cold and frosty morning.

 

 

Brain, brain go away. 

Come again another day.

Brain, brain go away

QAnon just wants to play.

 

 

Trumpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Trumpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All of Q’s horses and all of Q’s men,

Couldn’t put Trumpty Dumpty in power again.

 

 If you’re crazy and you know it, clap your hands.

(clap clap)

If you’re crazy and you know it, clap your hands.

(clap clap)

If you’re crazy and you know it, and you really want to show it.

If you’re crazy and you know it, clap your hands.

(clap clap)

 

 

I’m a little crackpot

Short and stout

Q is my handle

Just hear me spout.

 

When I get all steamed up

Hear me shout

“Tip me over

and lies pour out!”

 

 

QAnon went up the hill

To fetch a pail of bullshit.

Q fell down and broke his crown,

Nothing real came out of it.

 

 

Old QAnon had a farm, E I E I O,

And on his farm he had some trolls, E I E I O.

With a dox dox here and a dox dox there,

Here a dox, there a dox, everywhere a dox dox.

Old QAnon had a farm, E I E I O.

 

 

Row, row, row your ”facts,”

Gently down mainstream,

Media, media, media, media,

Truth is but a meme.

 

 

You put your right wing in,

You put your right wing out,

You put your right wing in,

And you shake it all about.

You do the Hokey Jokey,

You turn the facts around,

That’s what it’s all about.

 

This old Q, he played one

He played knick-knack on my thumb

With a knick-knack paddy whack

Down the rabbit hole

This old Q is one asshole.

 

Keep it real! And wear your damn mask!

Marilyn