LORENA BOBBITT MEETS KARNEVAL

Karneval ended in Germany yesterday, which made me think of Lorena Bobbitt. In case you’ve forgotten her story, here’s a quick recap, from her Wiki page:

Lorena and John Wayne Bobbitt were an American couple. In 1993, they made the tabloids and then some when, after years of allegedly being raped, beaten, and sodomized by her husband, Lorena cut off his penis with a knife as he slept. John must have been a very sound sleeper, because Lorena was able to drive off with the severed member, which she later lobbed into a field before calling 9-1-1. After an exhaustive search, John’s penis was found and reattached in a nine and a half hour operation. At trial, John was acquitted of rape, and Lorena was acquitted of assault by reason of insanity.

After the incident, Lorena tried to keep a low profile; however in 1997, she was again charged with assault, this time for punching out her mother while they watched TV. John, by contrast, went big and formed a band called The Severed Parts. When that failed, he tried his hand (no snickering!) at being a porn star; he appeared in John Wayne Bobbitt: Uncut and Frankenpenis. You cannot make this stuff up!

But what, pray tell, is the “connection” between John’s American penis and German Karneval? First, a little background on the Teutonic tradition.

Carnival is the 5-day, fun-filled, boozy-crazy period preceding Lent, a 40-day fast that ends on Easter Sunday. Facing almost 7 weeks without meat, eggs, cheese, or alcohol, people make as merry as they possibly can before the hammer strikes. The party kicks off in Germany on the Fat Thursday (Altweiberfasching) before Ash Wednesday (Aschermittwoch) and runs hell-bent for election until the following Tuesday (Fastdienstag). Like so many festivals, this one has a distinctly pagan feel.

Each region has its own name for carnival, as well as its own conventions. It’s called Fasching in Munich and Berlin, where the tradition dates to the 13^th c. In Düsseldorf and Cologne, it’s Karneval and originated much later, in the 17^th c. In Stuttgart and Mainz, it’s known as Fastnacht. Geography and proper nouns aside, the name of the game is everywhere the same: dress up in a silly costume, perhaps don a mask, drink enormous quantities of beer and Schnaps, and run riot through the town—all without hurting anyone, including, most importantly, yourself.

My favorite carnival game takes place on opening day, Altweiberfasching, which means old women’s carnival. There is an equal rights - Lorena Bobbitt angle here. Traditionally, women were not allowed to participate in Karneval. This did not sit well. Legend has it that a group of washerwomen in Bonn founded a ladies committee in 1824 to take their revenge. From that carnival season and continuing until today’s, women dress up as witches, storm their town halls, carouse through the streets singing songs, and should they encounter a man, they “attack” him with scissors directed at his tie. At this point, the man has a choice. He can either buy the woman a drink, in which case he keeps his phallic symbol intact, or he can suffer the cut in exchange for a kiss.